The same damn problems with the same damn behavior’s attached to them. Whether it’s debt or weight- it’s all the same.
We get stuck in cycles. And then we end up doing the same destructive things, over and over again. The fixes are there, we see them, we have the logic and the know how to actually stop and be different. But yet we keep allowing it to happen.
Why? Why do we end up so focused on the instant gratification, the willingness to hurt ourselves to stay stuck, even though we WANT the change, we need the change, we are literally or figuratively dying because of these behaviors?
We destroy ourselves, hurt the people around us, take and take and seek more because it’s never enough.
Sometimes there’s even a respite from the behavior, a moment of being debt free, of losing the weight, of not smoking, or whatever the cycle is. Yet HOW MANY TIMES do we end up destroying it all to be back in the miserable thick of it?
How many times do we self-destruct, then try and fix it once again?
And then you think “well I must really like it here” because this is where I end up. But you don’t LIKE it “here” at all- you hate it- with every fiber of your being. Then why for God’s sake, if we do hate it so much, do we do whatever it takes to get back there?
Is change really THAT scary?
Someone I’ve been working with for a while said to me that even though she wanted to lose the weight, it was scary to imagine life as a thinner person, because of the expectations that would be put on her when she changed.
I get that. So completely.
IF we change, WHEN we change, even if it is to become a “better” person- leaner, fitter, more financially secure- then you must live up to higher expectations- you must be more responsible, or whatever comes with the change. And that shit, pardon my French, is scary as hell. So what do we do?
It’s like you’re on one side of the bridge- and everything you want is on the other.
And so many people before you have walked on that bridge. You know its safe, you are okay, you CAN get to the other side, but yet you’re still stuck. You can’t make your feet move, and you will do anything at the moment to stay right where you are.
But then can you ask yourself: if my life were to end right now- what would I regret more- staying who I am or crossing that bridge and becoming the person I REALLY want to be, but am afraid to commit to?
Seriously- change and commitment and responsibility- they ARE scary. But instant gratification gets old, and we end up having to seek more out to make us feel good. I for one want the cycles to stop.
I don’t want my behaviors to own me- I want to own my behaviors. I don’t want to look back and say “if only” because that’s so stupid. That bridge that I have to cross? It’s a freaking footbridge over a stream I could walk through if I fell in. I would be fine if I fell in- I might get wet and maybe be cold, but I would survive.
The thing is, most of the time, no matter what, we WILL be fine. We will survive.
We are stronger than we think we are, and we can change, and adapt, but its really about the courage to do it. Taking the leap of faith, trusting the process, and embracing the people we really want to be instead of the stuck person who’s scared of responsibility. Screw it. End the cycle- we do know how now it’s time to take action to do it. And stay committed- until we become that person we see on the other side of the bridge.